My path to riches!!

I finally figured out my way of fulfilling the American Dream.

The new fashioned way: litigation!

  1. I use all my tax refund to buy the most expensive shirt and suit I can.
  2. I schedule a very important job interview at a job that will pay in the mid six figures.
  3. Immediately before said interview I open a brand new bottle of fruit juice.
  4. When said fruit juice gushes from top from because of the pressure exerted by my left hand on the bottle while the right hand is releasing lid and inevitably splashes all over my brand new suit and shirt…
  5. I am thrown into such distress that I flub the interview, thereby throwing me into deep depression leading to months of intense therapy.
  6. Hello? Lawyer?

Ocean Spray, Welch’s, et al, you’ve been warned!

You might be an alcoholic if…you put an engine on your bar stool

From the Elkhart Truth.

BRISTOL — A Middlebury man was injured after falling off a bar stool attached to a go-kart frame with a small Honda engine Wednesday evening.

James Kleckner, 53, was riding the motorized bar stool/go-kart apparatus south on Rachael Court north of York Hills Drive around 5 p.m. when he completed a curve and then accelerated on a straight, flat section of roadway, according to a press release from the Elkhart County Sheriff’s Department.

Kleckner lost control of the “vehicle” and fell off.

He was taken to the hospital with a bruise on his head, scrapes on his arms and minor bleeding. He was not wearing a helmet.

He had consumed alcohol prior to the incident, according police, but was not found to be intoxicated. He was not cited.