I finally figured out my way of fulfilling the American Dream.
The new fashioned way: litigation!
- I use all my tax refund to buy the most expensive shirt and suit I can.
- I schedule a very important job interview at a job that will pay in the mid six figures.
- Immediately before said interview I open a brand new bottle of fruit juice.
- When said fruit juice gushes from top from because of the pressure exerted by my left hand on the bottle while the right hand is releasing lid and inevitably splashes all over my brand new suit and shirt…
- I am thrown into such distress that I flub the interview, thereby throwing me into deep depression leading to months of intense therapy.
- Hello? Lawyer?
Ocean Spray, Welch’s, et al, you’ve been warned!